| give it a day |
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| 03:22pm 20/01/2006 |
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mood:  tired
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hehe, I was just reading my journal, I haven't updated in FOREVER. So I'll bring you up to date.
1 week from today will mark 3 years of being with Wolfy. We've been living together since October. I still work at McDonalds. They want to fire me because they think I can't count, even though clearly I've been able to count JUST FINE FOR A YEAR AND A HALF AND THE MANAGERS ARE STUPID ASSHOLES. Well, most of them anyways. I do play favourites. I want to work somewhere else, I've been giving out resumes in absolute desperation... I'm just not wanted.
I'm 22 years old now. holy shit. ok, 22 AND A HALF. See, this is january, and my birthday is in june... sometimes I forget my age, because it doesn't matter until I'm 65 now. I want to go to school and be somebody important. get a career type job with lots of creative freedom. But I'm too big of a wuss to go ahead and go.
I've made some real life friends! We played DDR last night. and mini golf. we had tons of fun.
I got my nipples pierced. BOTH OF THEM. So that they match. It hurt like a bastard to get it done, but I'm fine now.
Still haven't had any kids. Right now I have no intention of having any.
I have a ferret and a guinea pig! They're both white with pinky red eyes (Ooooh, albino!) The ferret is really evil but really cute too... her name is Reeza. And the guinea pig is really fluffy and really cute and makes the cutest sounds when he's being petted (not like the quacking ferret... wtf?) his name is Dante. He's over a year old now, longer than Boris lasted (poor Boris T_T) and now that I live with boyfriend and pets (and a roommate!) I REALLY miss my dog T_T
hmmm what else...
Oh, I've been making kiss dolls. and stuff. it's fun. check out my deviantart account, I update that MUCH more frequently than my journal. I know I keep saying I'll change that, but I'm not making any promises. Last time I left I thought I had left for good, but I had to come back and say hi to Tuzzums.
http://polyphonicgreen.deviantart.com/ |
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| 09:05pm 19/01/2006 |
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I'm aliiiiive, baby I'm aliiive!
I miss you Tuz. |
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| flu |
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| 10:16am 07/12/2004 |
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I'm sick you guys T_T I constantly feel like vomiting, my tummy is all bloaty, and I'm switching between sweaty fever and freezing cold aches.
Anyone want to draw a picture to make me feel better? ^.^ |
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| dream warrior |
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| 09:27am 27/08/2004 |
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I've been having the strangest dreams lately.
a couple nights ago, I dreamt that I was getting married to Wolfy. It was a couple nights ago, so I don't remember everything that happened, but that's probably a weird thing to actually dream about.
Last night I dreamt that I was trying to kill my brother by putting him in a bathtub with chemicals that would melt him. Then my dad came to this abandoned house I was at to drop off some A&W and McDonalds (WTF? I work at a McDs across the street from a A&W) but the doors were locked and he walked from the backyard to the front door through the basement... which makes no sense in itself, how are you going to walk through the houses basement if the door is locked? Anyways, I took the bags just so he would go away, and he did, and he peeked through the window and saw my brother in this giant clawfoot bathtub in the middle of what would be the living room, and my brother had no legs, and there were these big... umm.. water heaters? I don't know what they were supposed to be, but it had something to do with killing my brother, and my dad recognised whatever they were supposed to be, and I don't know what happened after that because then I killed my dad, and then my dog :( so I was a little disturbed this morning, and I was woken up by my dog scratching on the door, he wanted to come in and cuddle. He never wants to come into my room in the morning, but today he did, so I cuddled with him and petted him, and when I finally decided to get up I gave him a chicken finger doggy treat.
Any dream analyst people reading? I love my doggy... dad and brother I could do without, but they're not worth killing... why would I dream this? |
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| booo |
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| 09:27pm 27/07/2004 |
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I don't feel good. something rather embarassing happened to me today. my tummy hurts. I miss wolfy.
he was here for a vacation and brought boris. I love boris. he peed on the toy I bought him. $20 for a goddamn hedgehog plushie a little bigger than my fist. and he peed on it. I washed it and gave it to spot.
I have a long shift on thursday, I hope I feel better then. booooo. |
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| 08:45pm 31/05/2004 |
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>
WARNING | | Green is radioactive. Wear protective clothing at all times. |
From Go-Quiz.com
see that Tuz? :D
| Sandra is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested. | N
POISON |
From Go-Quiz.com
it's true. I'm highly toxic :( |
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| 08:39pm 31/05/2004 |
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ha. I'm so not gay. |
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| moo. |
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| 08:24pm 31/05/2004 |
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ok. so I'm back into dolls again. go me. I did a self portrait doll, which I haven't been doing very much at all lately. hmm.
aren't I sexy? Ya. My total mismatched eyes, and my thom york squinty eye thing, my rosacea, and my overbite. I am the sex goddess. Oh I forgot, I'm also fat! :) and my hair isn't really that thick and beautiful. but oh well. base credit to ILCK and supposed to link to the underground dolling forum, but you can find either on your own if you honestly desire to.
this is a cute psychobilly lolita I made. Base from ILCK, again. I call this style "psycholita". I show dollies now.
the psycholita zombie. I don't like eyepatches and frilly head thingies, but it suited her.
what a damn slut! :)
ya, she's the first one I made on ILCK bases. so she's special. I like her partially shaved head, I forgot to do that to the rest! stupid green! lol.
this isn't my usual journal entry. hmm... something's wrong.
I think I need to cleanse again. goddammit.
I had a job interview today. for a shoe store. I hope I get this job. I don't expect to though.
um... that's about it. wolfy is coming to visit for my birthday. it will be happy. yaaaayyy |
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| I had a dream last night... |
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| 09:32am 02/03/2004 |
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mood:  cynical
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last night/early this morning. I dreamed that the polyphonic spree was finally coming here to do a show. in regina. I remember looking at the calendar and seeing september 16, I don't remember if that was the day of the show, or the day I found out, but it was september. and the polyphonic spree was to be in regina.
I woke up full of hope, then my puffy face, sore eyes and throat reminded me how depressed I've been. maybe I was just trying to cheer myself up with the idea of spree coming here. |
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| my tummy hates me |
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| 11:00am 27/02/2004 |
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mood: irritated
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wow can't remember the last time I updated this sucker...
been with mr. wolf a year now. yay! We had a great time when I went to go visit him. He still comes to visit me every 2-3 weeks. things are progressing, he just paid off his student loans, so he's really bout half way to being totally paid off. mmhmm. I'm trying to fix my resume and then go look for work again, but last night my tummy got reall damn pissed off at me. it's still hurting today. I hate my stupid body.
ummm... trying to get myself back into a routine, any kind of routine, so I do remember I would post in my journal every day or other day-ish, so maybe this will help.
right now I am making chicken nuggets and fries for lunch. I'm wearing my doggy slippers, tan plaid pants, white thermal longsleeve undershirt under my really old and worn primus t-shirt, my air is short and purple again, and I've got my horns on. Also wearing the 2 rings wolfy gave me, like I do every day, and this other ring I got from a gumball machine on my pinky. the rings wolfy gave me are too big so I Wear them on my middle fingers (thumb just isn't comfortable) and the gumball one is too small so it's on the pinky. hahahahaha.
I have gas and it hurts!
oh yeah and I burnt my fingers making burgers on our george yesterday. not the back part, not halfway down the fingers, but on the tips. so it kinda sucks to type right now, or wash my hands after using the bathroom. |
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| more copied stuff |
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| 02:58pm 15/12/2003 |
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this time from <3Josie<3 known to everyone else as Josh..
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.
01. I have brown hair.
02. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was one of my favourite cartoons.
03. I like 80's hair
04. I am quite proficient at procrastinating.
06. I'm lazy
07. I never saw the Grinch in theatres.
08. My favourite colour is turquois.
09. two of my grandparents are still alive.
10. I know who Thomas the Tank Engine is.
11. I hate math
12. I graduated from highschool, so now I can't work at McDonalds.
13. I've got my winter fur on.
14. I have no job.
15. I am a great cook.
16. My parents are still married (22 years).
17. I collect pokemon cards.
18. I don't watch TV every afternoon.. but only for pokemon and trading spaces.
19. I don’t generally care about what I’m wearing.
20. I like getting things in the mail. [as long as they aren't bills]
21. I can't stand dishonest people.
22. I don't think the music genre you listen to says anything about who you are.
23. I haven't stayed in contact with online buddies for a while.
24. I like Urusei Yatsura.
25. I use MSN.
26. I like washing dishes.
27. I like MY music and don't like people suggesting new things.
28. I have Aim
29. I don't use Trillian
30. I like giving people too much information.
31. I don't use ICQ.
32. I don’t get a phone bill.
33. I have seen the movie "Chicago".
34. I really need to clean my room.
35. I have a dog named Spot.
36. I love dogs.
37. I love rain and thunder, lightening isn't too impressive though.
38. I have my own computer.
39. Iori is overrated. [Hell, I don’t even know what it is!]
40. I last talked to my mom about an hour ago.
41. I really enjoy thoughtful gifts, even if they cost nothing. Still, I'll like almost anything just because the person took the time to pick it out.
42. I get along fine with my dad - we never talk.
43. I'm an introvert, not shy.
44. I'm extremely patient.
45. I like tomatoes a lot.
46. I don't fit into any stereotypes.
47. I have made web pages before.
48. I lived in a hick town once. we call it Regina.
49. I am too incompetent to make any COOL icons.
50. I don't burn many CDs, not that I'm against it..
51. I am a major packrat; I rarely throw out useless things.
52. I have a hard time expressing myself in conventional ways...
53. I have decent luck in winning door prizes and stuff, but I’ve never won the grand prize.
54. I am often quiet when something's wrong.
55. I'm usually quiet.
56. I can be very shy.
57. I hate writing.
58. I've had braces.
59. I don't like fishing.
60. I like it when my friends volunteer every last detail of their sexual endeavors. - often good for a laugh
61. I don’t know the whole song "White Rabbit", by Jefferson Airplane, but I can hum some of it I guess.
62. I love food.
63. I am funky. in the musical way. bwa bwa bwa..
64. My favourite colour used to be red.
65. I wish I still drank juice boxes.
66. I like to give gifts
67. I can't sleep without something to cuddle with. one of my plushies, a pillow, a blankey, wolfy's arm...
68. I wear little jewellery
69. I don't use caffeine.
70. I don't have a drivers license, but I kick ass at driving arcade games. Mostly because I'm instantly revived when I crash.
71. I like large crowds, I'm less significant there and don't feel left out of conversations as much as when I'm being ignored by a small group. I hate small groups.
72. I like being alone but I like people around too.
73. I'm rarely online these days (sorry everyone)
74. I want to travel less.
75. I haven't used IRC in years.
76. I worked as a receptionist.
77. Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner!
78. I don't agree with whoever said "cellar door" is the most beautiful combination of words in the english language.
79. I know some spanish.
80. I HATE cold weather.
81. I haven't been to the zoo for a REALLY long time.
82. I wish my hair were longer. [but I don’t have the patience to grow it out]
83. I don't smoke weed.
84. I don't have a university degree
85. I don't like people who are narrow-minded.
86. I don't think the lottery is a well-disguised tax.
87. I take life too seriously.
88. I know nothing about C++ programming.
89. There is probably something else I should be doing rather than this.
90. I do NOT type with my fingers on the right keys.
91. I love lemon meringue pie.
92. I have a brother.
93. I love taking pictures.
94. I like video games a lot.
95. I sing songs to get them out of my head.
96. I have one piercing.
97. I am hungry.
98. I hate jellyfish, but I love the ocean.
99. I have had a pet fish.. it died.
100. I should get something done.
no time to count out the # of things in common with josie, gotta go eat! |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| more copied stuff |
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| 02:32pm 15/12/2003 |
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this time from <3Josie<3 known to everyone else as Josh..
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.
01. I have brown hair.
02. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was one of my favourite cartoons.04. I am quite proficient at procrastinating.</b>
06. I'm lazy
07. I never saw the Grinch in theatres.
08. My favourite colour is turquois.
09. two of my grandparents are still alive.
10. I know who Thomas the Tank Engine is.
11. I hate math
12. I graduated from highschool, so now I can't work at McDonalds.
13. I've got my winter fur on.
14. I have no job.
15. I am a great cook.
16. My parents are still married (22 years).
17. I collect pokemon cards.
18. I don't watch TV every afternoon.. but only for pokemon and trading spaces.
19. I don’t generally care about what I’m wearing.
20. I like getting things in the mail. [as long as they aren't bills]
21. I can't stand dishonest people.
22. I don't think the music genre you listen to says anything about who you are.
23. I haven't stayed in contact with online buddies for a while.
24. I like Urusei Yatsura.
25. I use MSN.
26. I like washing dishes.
27. I like MY music and don't like people suggesting new things.
28. I have Aim
29. I don't use Trillian
30. I like giving people too much information.
31. I don't use ICQ.
32. I don’t get a phone bill.
33. I have seen the movie "Chicago".
34. I really need to clean my room.
35. I have a dog named Spot.
36. I love dogs.
37. I love rain and thunder, lightening isn't too impressive though.
38. I have my own computer.
39. Iori is overrated. [Hell, I don’t even know what it is!]
40. I last talked to my mom about an hour ago.
41. I really enjoy thoughtful gifts, even if they cost nothing. Still, I'll like almost anything just because the person took the time to pick it out.
42. I get along fine with my dad - we never talk.
43. I'm an introvert, not shy.
44. I'm extremely patient.
45. I like tomatoes a lot.
46. I don't fit into any stereotypes.
47. I have made web pages before.
48. I lived in a hick town once. we call it Regina.
49. I am too incompetent to make any COOL icons.
50. I don't burn many CDs, not that I'm against it..
51. I am a major packrat; I rarely throw out useless things.
52. I have a hard time expressing myself in conventional ways...
53. I have decent luck in winning door prizes and stuff, but I’ve never won the grand prize.
54. I am often quiet when something's wrong.
55. I'm usually quiet.
56. I can be very shy.
57. I hate writing.
58. I've had braces.
59. I don't like fishing.
60. I like it when my friends volunteer every last detail of their sexual endeavors. - often good for a laugh
61. I don’t know the whole song "White Rabbit", by Jefferson Airplane, but I can hum some of it I guess.
62. I love food.
63. I am funky. in the musical way. bwa bwa bwa..
64. My favourite colour used to be red.
65. I wish I still drank juice boxes.
66. I like to give gifts
67. I can't sleep without something to cuddle with. one of my plushies, a pillow, a blankey, wolfy's arm...
68. I wear little jewellery
69. I don't use caffeine.
70. I don't have a drivers license, but I kick ass at driving arcade games. Mostly because I'm instantly revived when I crash.
71. I like large crowds, I'm less significant there and don't feel left out of conversations as much as when I'm being ignored by a small group. I hate small groups.
72. I like being alone but I like people around too.
73. I'm rarely online these days (sorry everyone)
74. I want to travel less.
75. I haven't used IRC in years.
76. I worked as a receptionist.
77. Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner!
78. I don't agree with whoever said "cellar door" is the most beautiful combination of words in the english language.
79. I know some spanish.
80. I HATE cold weather.
81. I haven't been to the zoo for a REALLY long time.
82. I wish my hair were longer. [but I don’t have the patience to grow it out]
83. I don't smoke weed.
84. I don't have a university degree
85. I don't like people who are narrow-minded.
86. I don't think the lottery is a well-disguised tax.
87. I take life too seriously.
88. I know nothing about C++ programming.
89. There is probably something else I should be doing rather than this.
90. I do NOT type with my fingers on the right keys.
91. I love lemon meringue pie.
92. I have a brother.
93. I love taking pictures.
94. I like video games a lot.
95. I sing songs to get them out of my head.
96. I have one piercing.
97. I am hungry.
98. I hate jellyfish, but I love the ocean.
99. I have had a pet fish.. it died.
100. I should get something done.
no time to count out the # of things in common with josie, gotta go eat! |
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| uncanny |
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| 02:39pm 12/12/2003 |
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that's so accurate it's scary. Only you know I'm 20 and not a virgin... but I'm a biter with a pierced tongue... |
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| stolen from tuzzens |
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| 02:26pm 12/12/2003 |
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last entry was a vent... now I copy+paste tuzzens stuffs with changes. mmhmm.
I am: crying
I miss: wolfy
I want: to be happy
I have: lots of kleenex in my pockets
I hate: me
I fear: hurting wolfy
I play: not as often as I should
I hear: myself and parents tell me how useless I am
I care: about wolfy. and spot.
I smile: haven't in weeks
I wonder: when this will be over
I love: wolfy. and I hope I love him enough
I mess up: anything I try to do. except baking, I make good cookies.
I think: I'm pathetic, worthless, oversensitive and emotional, useless, in the way, I need to be silent or I'll get yelled at yet again. I get yelled at for being quiet, too. I can't do anything right.
I always: procrastinate
I am not: comfortable
I dance: I haven't in months and miss it terribly
I sing: rarely and very quietly
I cry: constantly
I talk about: shhhh... must remain silent...
I spilled: tears
I wish: this was just a bad attempt at being poser-goth... I've never met a goth fan of p-spree though.
I keep: the wrong attitude
I am not always: good enough
I can: stay strong for wolfy's sake
I can't: stay strong on my own
I write: rarely... not something I enjoy, and I haven't been online to talk to friends in forever :(
I lose: the respect anyone has for me as soon as I open my mouth
I smell: like my dog I've been cuddling with all afternoon
I confuse: yes
I need: help
I should: cheer up, get my ass a job, stop being so shy, go to the dr, stop hurting myself and everyone around me, end world hunger... |
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| ick |
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| 02:48pm 13/11/2003 |
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I've been sick. I'm stressed. everyone else is stressed and likes to take it out on me. not online people, but family people. gurrs on things.
I'm sos ad, and I don't even feel comfortable typing my thoughts in here right now. I just want wolfy to be here and hold me and make me feel better... and then leave for another 2 weeks. boo. |
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| lick me |
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| 11:26pm 12/11/2003 |
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that's right muthaf#ckaaaaa
happy birfday cinnaquinns! |
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| hope |
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| 10:46pm 09/10/2003 |
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well things get more and more severely fucked up... I was talking to wolfy last night, a real heart to heart with plenty of crying on both sides. We were talking about breaking up, everything we've gone through, everything that could happen if we decide to stay together. We're still together, we're both calming down, but he still can't be here this weekend because of his car. He's promised to be here next weekend, and I told him not to promise me anything anymore, because although I believe he totally intends to keep his promises, luck and fate have a way of messing it all up.
So things are starting to get better. I think Jeff, my cousin, is out of the hospital now, I haven't heard anything about Nanny, but Wolfy and my friend Kieth is in the hospital with back problems... no, I'm never going to have a peaceful, uneventful life with wolfy around, but I've decided that it's worth all the stress to know I have someone going through it all with me, and he agrees.
so that's all I really have to say, I've talked everything out with him and I'm feeling much better. Went out to look for work today, only applied at 3 places, but they're a discount store, and arcade, and a fastfood place, so my chances of finding quick temporary work are pretty good from those 3 alone. I'm still gonna go to Toys R Us soon though. Not tomorrow, I'm so sick I can't breath through my nose and my voice is going on me. Mood and health very closely connected, so I'm in the healing process of both. As long as I'm not irritated in either way I'll be back to my usual cheery self in no time.
at least, I think I'm usually cheery... |
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| from bad to worse |
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| 05:34pm 07/10/2003 |
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mood:  depressed
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so here's what's going on. My cousin Jeff is in the hospital right now, after rolling his quad and some nasty stuff happening, he's been there for over a week, I think. I got fired from my first job I only worked 2 months at after looking for a year solid. My friend Rachell who works there was waiting for her grampa to die so she could move to montreal with her boyfriend, well, her grampa died the day before I got fired. Yesterday, Wolfy found out one of his old friends he was really close with in highschool killed himself. Nanny called, very shaken after nearly burning down her apartment trying to cook a potato. I'm serious. She's blind and didn't see what burner she turned on and a cardboard box caught fire, and she didn't notice. Well, today things have not improved at all. I remember talking to wolfy on the phone briefly last night, he was very concerned about a parking ticket notice thingie for bad things showing up at my house, and thought dr. dave could be involved, but I assured him it was just a parking ticket thing and told him to get some sleep because he was getting a cold and had a test at work the next day (today). Well, his car finally broke down to the point where it just isn't worth fixing, so now he can't come visit me for thanksgiving. He was very stressed over his car and not being able to visit this weekend, he failed his test. Failing a test usually means getting fired there. I offered to pay for his bus ride, but he said his parents are going out of town and he has to watch his sister. If he leaves to come see me, his parents say he won't be welcome back home.
We've been together for 8 months. We haven't had a day of peace from the beginning. We're both too stupid and stubborn to give up.
It never is going to get better.
I'm getting lows like the kind I did when I was 16, but at least the hallucinations aren't harassing me. Just the emotional shit.
I promise I'll post again soon so you all know I'm ok, I know some still read and will be concerned. Or maybe I'm the only one who believes that... and that was not fishing for sympathy. |
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| poo |
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| 11:40pm 04/10/2003 |
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mood: pessimistic
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dammit.
I got fired today. I look for work for a full year, finally get one, and I'm fired after 2 months. whee. The thing that pissed 'em off enough to get rid of me was that I called in sick 2 hours before my shift. I felt horrible about doing it and was uneasy after, and I woke up in a bad mood this morning, because I could sense it. I knew something bad was going to happen when I got to work today. But they paid me 3 hours for doing nothing because I showed up and gave 'em my stuff. poo. Wolfy wasn't here to save me either. Nope. finally get my job, wolfy leaves, I get fired. dammit dammit dammit. I don't want to know what happens next, I'm going nowhere, fast. I'm a useless person. I don't deserve what I do have. poopy. |
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| Apollo |
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| 04:09pm 30/09/2003 |
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apollo lyrics by hum
From the album downward is heavenward
I'm thinking of a number between everything and two
she said you can find a space between my arms if you will stay
like if we ignore the system they'll just blink out and quickly go away
she said I'll keep all the signals that you send home to me
and I'll meet you back here on the ground
it's lift off, lift off again
she's pissed off, pissed off again
moonlight brings me back again to stay
and I know if she had a way I'd always be through
tethered to a glass ring she keeps beside the phone
and never ever stepping out into
blankness and darkness, like underneath a leaf, have settled on me here and
scraped away the sound
she said you can find a place inside my heart if you can stay
and I need you back here on the ground
it's lift off, lift off again
she's pissed off, pissed off again
moonlight brings me back again to stay
and I know if she had a way I'd always be through
tethered to a glass ring she keeps beside the phone
and never ever stepping out into
I'm thinking of a number between everything and two
moonlight brings me back again to stay
and I know if she had a way I'd always be through
tethered to a glass ring she keeps beside the phone
and never ever stepping out into
moonlight brings me back again this day
and I don't feel a thing here anymore
strings of information slowing to a stop
the tether's end is slipping from its knot
I'm stretching out in two
I'm thinking of a number between everything and two
and it's molecules of you
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Stuff. Stupid haunting dreams. Poor Wolfy feeling like crap. Gurrs on things. I feel like crap too, changes in sleep... habits? Stupid... stuff. I don't want to be depressed. I don't want Wolfy to be sad. Don't be sad, wolfy. I love Wolfy. I miss Wolfy. I want him to come home :( |
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polyphonicgreen's journal